I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
