3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
