If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
