oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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