The maid of honor just puked.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
