he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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