I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize