stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The feeling are messing with the penis
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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