I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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