So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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