good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
