thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
