I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
