Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
