it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
