the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just blew my weed a kiss
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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