So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
