There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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