You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
