i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize