my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
