Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
