I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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