Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize