I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
