Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
