he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
