hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
