I'm so fucking centered right now
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
