She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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