Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize