i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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