I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
