I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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