just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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