I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
