It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize