I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
