3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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