You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
