i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
