It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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