ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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