Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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