The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
