so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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