If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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