i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
