i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize