true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
