he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
