Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
