just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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