Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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