I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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