And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
