She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize