no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
