Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize