We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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