you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
