She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
