Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Vodka?
Forever.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
