I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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