we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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