I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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