I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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