Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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