your parents love me but you hate me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
