Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
