as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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