Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
