hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
