paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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