i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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