so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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