peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
