It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
