She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
