Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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