He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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