.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
