her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
