dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
