guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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