around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
