Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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