she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
