I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
