where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
