we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
