Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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