My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
